Chastity Belt

This is one of those bawdy songs that Cliff used to sing often but with younger, less patient crowds being the audience it became difficult to keep the attention of the room.  Still, he’ll pull it out now and again.  The repeating word “nonie” is sung as “naughty” by Cliff simply out of habit.  Historians have pointed out that chastity belts did not actually exist during the medieval times they’re typically thought of associating with; rather, it is a fanciful and titillating invention of Victorian times musing on how men kept their “property” chaste in their absence.  Having said that, it isn’t definitive that it didn’t exist then… If the device did, it appears to have been quite rare.  See the video at the bottom of the page.

 

Oh say, gentle maiden, may I be your lover
Condemn me no longer to moan and to weep
Struck down like a hawk, I lie wounded and bleeding
Oh let down your drawbridge, I’ll enter your keep
Enter your keep nonie nonie, enter your keep nonie nonie
Let down your drawbridge, I’ll enter your keep

Alas gentle errant, I am not a maiden
I’m married to Sir Oswald, that cunning old Celt
He’s gone to wars for twelve months or longer
And he’s taken the key to my chastity belt
Chastity belt nonie nonie, chastity belt nonie nonie
Taken the key to my chastity belt

Fear not gentle lady for I know a locksmith
To his shop we will go, on his door we will knock
And try to avail us of his technical knowledge
And see if he’s able to unpick your lock
Unpick your lock nonie nonie, unpick your lock nonie nonie
See if he’s able to unpick your lock

Alas sir and madam, to help I’m unable
My technical knowledge is to no avail
I can’t find the secret to your combination
For the cunning old bastard has fitted a Yale
Fitted a Yale nonie nonie, fitted a Yale nonie none
The cunning old bastard has fitted a Yale

[Here comes the lord from the wars, speaking with a lispy voice of a man not exactly interested in women.  All hail the lord of the manor!  <cheers!>]

I come from the wars with dire news of disaster
A terrible mishap I have to confide
As my ship was a passing the Straits of Gibraltar
I carelessly dropped the key over the side
Over the side nonie nonie, over the side nonie nonie
Carelessly dropped the key over the side

Alas and alack I am locked up forever
Then up spoke the page boy – Leave it to me!
If you will allow me to enter your chamber
I’ll open it up with me duplicate key!
Duplicate key nonie nonie, duplicate key nonie nonie
Open it up with me duplicate key