Our Happy Birthday Set

Inspired by the various rugby groups that use these same songs for essentially the same reasons.  #2 is often used, also, when someone screws up in a rather spectacular fashion, or sometimes just to acknowledge an important, sometimes embarassing, occasion.


1) The standard Happy Birthday song, which being copywritten, will not be spelled out.

followed by


2) Why was you born so beautiful?      Why was you born at all?

You’re no bloody use to anyone,      You’re no bloody use at all!

You ought to be publically pissed on!      You ought to be publically shot,

And placed in a public ur-inal,      And left there to fester and rot!  Rot, rot!

(so lovely, eh?)


3) Happy Birthday. Unh!  Happy Birthday. Unh!     People dying everywhere, death destruction and dispair,     But Happy Birthday.  Unh!  Happy Birthday.  Unh!

May the cities in your wake burn like candles on your cake.     But Happy…

Now that you’re the age you are, your demise cannot be far.     But Happy…

I like children, yes I do.  Baked or boiled or in a stew.    But Happy…

Now your jail-bait days are done, let’s go out and have some fun.    But Happy…

You must sow what you reap – Kill the women, fuck the sheep!     But Happy…

(and this could on ad nauseum).


4) Here’s to (insert name here)!  Here’s to (same name)!

Here’s to (same name) (he’s/she’s) a horse’s ass!

(He’s/She’s) the meanest!  Sucks on a horse’s penis!

Here’s to (same name) (he’s/she’s) a horse’s ass!


(not to be held responsible for the content herein!)

One thought on “Our Happy Birthday Set

  1. David Ridge

    Uh, ya! The birthday song that you did not post here is as you noted under copyright. I forget where I heard this from but the copyright is held by Wanner Brothers movie company.
    I first heard this rendition, sung to “The Volga Boatmen”, when I was in contact with the Para-Church organisation known as The Navigators:
    Sin and sorrow fill the air,
    People dying everywhere,
    Uh, Happy Birthday, uh, Happy Birthday!
    David In Omaha.


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