Cliff used to sing this almost weekly but it has fallen into dis-use… It was a brain worm one day and I began to sing it in proximity to Cliff who was tickled to be reminded of it and tried to recall all of the verses… Here they are from Tony Barrand.
My fathers a lavatory cleaner
He cleans them by day and by night
And when he comes home in the evening
He’s covered all over with…
Shine your buttons with Brasso
It’s only three ha’pence a tin
You can buy it or whip it from Woolworths
But I don’t think they’ve got any in.
And when it came round to Christmas
He gave my ma a great fright
For instead of bringing her chocolates
He brought her a box full of…
Some say that he died of a fever
Some say that he died of a fit
But I know very well what he died of
He died of the smell of the…
Some say that he’s buried in a graveyard
Some say that he’s buried in a pit
But, I know very well what he’s buried in
He’s buried in six foot of…
My Da’s version is ‘some say that he’s buried in gravel, some say that he’s buried in grit…’
Another version I remember from my schooldays was:
My father’s the Lord Mayor of London
He works in the sewers at night
And when he comes out in the morning
He’s covered all over in….
Here’s a verse I wrote to follow the original. It was a regular part of my repertoire when I performed with Spruce Ferry back in the 80’s:
It wasn’t so much that the mother was fat,
Or the baby was thin,
No nothing like that.
It’s not just a story of child abuse,
As much as a sad case of plumbing misuse.
You swished that poor kid down the plughole,
Where water and sewage should go,
If he’d only been a bit fatter,
You’d have to have used Draino (Used Draino)
Please treat your plumbing with kindness,
Your sink, tub and toilet, to wit,
If you treat your plumbing with kindness,
It’ll put up with all of your…
Some say that he left me a fortune,some say that he left me a bit,but i know darn well what he left me,he left me a bucket of ….
VERY good, Robin!