The Hard Drinker


I cannot for the life of me recall who handed this to me one Monday evening, but I find it amusing enough to add to the line up of song lyrics.  It is sung to the tune of The Wild Rover – This is a good example of the “Plastic Paddy” sub-genre of traditional songs and amusing enough that it deserves its place in the bar scene.


I’ve been a hard drinker for many a year,
And I always fall over on ten pints of beer;
So now when I drink I sit on the floor,
And I never will risk falling over no more.

And it’s no, nay, never!
No, nay, never no more,
Will I drink and fall over!
No never no more!

I went to a bar that I used to frequent,
Despite having sworn that I’d give up for Lent.
I asked for two pints but the barman said, “Nay!
“You’ll only fall over like you did yesterday!”


I’d pulled from my pocket two shiny gold pounds,
And I managed to do that without falling down.
The barman said, “Sir, please choose from this list,
“And I’m sorry if just now I thought you were pissed.”


I think that I’ll stick now to stiff drinks and shorts,
Like whiskey and punch and Pernods and ports.
Cut down on the volume and all that I drink,
Then at least when I throw up I won’t block the sink.


I’ll go back to my girlfriend; confess what I’ve done,
And if she should hit me I won’t turn and run.
I’ll promise to give up; but if I should fail,
I’ll meet you next Monday for ten pints of ale!


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