The Coachman

A song laden with euphamisms generally lost on the young, short-attention-span crowd.


I once took a job as a coachman
My money was paid in advance
So I traveled first down to Dover
And then I crossed over to France
I was met by a charming young lady
Who dressed me in breeches so tight
She said, I have got a fine coachman
To drive me by day and by night:

She was such a charming young lady
All in the height of her bloom
And me being a dashing young coachman
I drove her ten times ’round the room

She first took me down to the cellar
And filled me with liquor so quick
She told me to drink in a hurry
Then she asked for a look at my whip
She held it, viewed it a moment
And then laid it down with a smile
Said, I can see by the length and the look of your slash
You can drive in the old-fashioned style:


She bade me get into position
So I climbed right in to the seat
Three swishes I gave with my cracker
And drove her right down the High Street
I handled my whip with good judgment
Until I was sure of her ways
But the very first tug that I gave on the brakes
I broke the main spring of her stays:


When my mistress grew tired or grew weary
And wanted to take a short rest
She’d call for her servant maid, Sally
The one I love second best.
She said, Sally, we’ve got a fine coachman
He drives in the old fashioned style
The spring on my chassis’s being strengthened again
I’ll let him drive you for a while:


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